6 Easy Strategies of How to Talk with Girls and Get Them Attracted
– If you have trouble chatting with a girl you like.
– If you always end up having boring conversations or don´t know what to say.
– lf you want to know what to do on a date to make it a fun, exciting and interesting experience.
– If you want her to really enjoy being with you and to feel attracted to you.
– If you have already searched through various videos, blogs or Wikihow and they did not help you.
Then this is the right post for you…
Some of the questions I get asked most frequently are: “How do I start a conversation?” “What do I say to a girl?” “Should I have certain phrases prepared in advance?”
One of the main problems when striking up a conversation with a woman is that everything seems to be going well and then suddenly her interest seems to simply disappear. As her answers get fewer and shorter you can start to feel like the situation is a complete disaster and that you’d give anything to know what she was thinking.
It’s happened to all of us some time or another when we don’t know what to say when starting a conversation or when there are some uncomfortable silences. The truth is that it’s not as difficult as many think and yet many men end up in boring conversations and the girls they like rarely have unforgettable nights with them.
Because they end up doing the same boring, predictable and tedious things that the last 100 guys did and they simply don’t work. Imagine that one girl is on a date with a random guy she doesn’t know and he starts asking her the same questions she always hears: «So, where do you come from?», «What is your job?», «What do you study?», «Why did you choose that university?», «Where would you like to live?», «Where would you like to go on vacation?» Some men will even talk about the WEATHER! That last one, definitely, is not the topic of conversation of an unforgettable night!
The worst thing is that there is a belief that the solution to this is «openers» or pre-set phrases and I have to admit that I used to think that way too. Once a guy wrote to me: «If I had a perfect phrase to start a conversation everything else would just flow.”
Many guys are looking for this perfect phrase, an all-encompassing opener, that will instantly get a girl to be interested in them and attracted to them….sorry, it just doesn’t work this way!
This guide will not only give you the tools to have better conversations with girls but also give you a better understanding of what is important and what isn’t.
How to talk with girls – Openers
In response to the majority of questions that other readers ask me, I will provide some openers on how to start an effective conversation with a woman here. To begin, get close to a girl or a group of girls and say:
“Hey there, I need a female opinion!”, and then:
- “What do you guys think about ending a relationship with a text message?”
- “In a fight to the death between ALF and ET, who would win?” (Or whatever fictitious characters occur to you).
- “Sex or Chocolate?” (Or whatever topic that you can debate on).
- “If you say I love you when you’re drunk, does it count?”
And that’s it, this is where the post ends.
What? Too short?
But they’re openers, and they work!
Did you expect new, infallible phrases?! Ok, I’m going to tell you a story.
There was once, a long time ago, a boy who was not very outgoing and had a big problem. He was unable to strike up a conversation with a girl without getting nervous and he never knew what to say.
He started reading books about seduction, studying social skills, and learning from others who knew more. So when he went out to bars with them and saw them being successful he always asked them:
«What did you say to that girl?», «What was your opener with that other girl?», «How did you start the conversation?»
Oh yeah! This guy was asking many questions…
And what happened?!
What happened is that he began to write and create his own lines according to what others had told him was working for them.
He wrote and wrote constantly for a really long time.
And what happened?!
Unlike the others these phrases did not work for him.
As you know, this boy was me a long time ago (and if you didn’t know, now you do). As it was with me many guys also start out with no idea what to say to girls. The truth is that today when I talk to a girl I have no idea what I am saying most of the time.
It is known that only 20% of human communication takes place purely through words and the rest is your attitude, body language, vibe, presence and so on. The important thing is not «WHAT» we say but «HOW» we say it. Nevertheless, the questions are always the same: “What do I tell them?”, “How do I start a conversation?”
These guys make the mistake of trying to make that 20% of the equation their entire focus.
I could give you hundreds of phrases and questions to repeat which could sound «nice». The issue is that I doubt they’re really that useful. I mean it, you could find thousands of phrases in blogs or forums but none of them will really get you the results you seek.
Because when you’re sitting and chilling in your home like you could be right now these phrases might sound attractive and interesting, like they would suit any situation. But when you’re at a bar or a club… or on a battlefield as many see it … everything changes because we’re nervous. Often the timing the or place isn’t right.
Maybe the correct question is:
What is it that we are feeling when we communicate with her? What is our mentality? What do we transmit? These are the most appropriate questions when starting a conversation.
Because it is much more powerful to BE something attractive than to SAY something attractive. That should be our goal.
How to talk with girls- Problems with looking for the “perfect phrase”
At first, when I was just beginning in the field of seduction, I had a notebook full of phrases with which I could start a conversation until I finally kissed the girl. My notes were written, crossed out and rewritten. I tried to perfect them until I was as tired as if I had tried to find the perfect algorithm for picking girls up.
In the time that I spent studying «openers» (pre-set phrases) and seduction I could probably have developed a cure for cancer or become a nuclear physicist … well, perhaps not, but anyways, it was a big chunk of time! The point is that for a long time my concern revolved around finding the perfect phrase believing it was «important».
Now, why do the majority of men believe this?
An opener is not only linked to what you say but also to starting a conversation which can frequently be very difficult because of anxiety. This is why, in my opinion, there is so much focus on openers and phrases. If you don’t talk to any women at all on a night out it can get to be a very frustrating experience. One of those nights where we stand around in the bar with our glass at chest height watching others as they have fun around us while we feel miserable. Oh yeah!
There is nothing really wrong with having a pre-set phrase lined up to use, sometimes they can be fun and useful. The problem is when we see these phrases as something necessary to «keep the conversation going» or «impress her». This approach hides us in the background of a search for validation and puts her above us. Unconsciously we are saying that we should try hard to win her attention or impress her, rather than meriting this attention because of who we are. We look for a perfect phrase to show how «cool» we are or to make us more interesting because we really do not consider ourselves to be like that.
Another problem is that quite often we would rather blame the phrase than take responsibility ourselves for the woman’s reaction. We blame the phrase to avoid our responsibility and don’t work on the underlying problem. «Oh, this opener doesn’t work», but perhaps you stuttered or your hands trembled or you accidentally spat in her face … but of course, we should definitely change the phrase because it doesn´t work.
Let’s look at an example:
A seduction coach tells one of his students to use with a group of women. It can be anything, like: «Hello, I saw you and I liked you!» Or «who lies more, men or women?!» Or if you prefer, «I’d kill a whale with a flip-flop for you!» … it’s all the same.
The coach uses it and it works perfectly because he is completely congruent with that opener. He is used to walking directly up to girls and saying, «you look great» and that doesn´t seem creepy or strange because of his body language and attitude.
But then his student, who cannot even maintain eye contact, who is extremely nervous and cannot smile, is rejected with answers like «I have a boyfriend» or «get lost» or simply with uncomfortable silences along with the group’s mischievous giggles.
So why don’t openers work for everyone?
Even if the words we say sound cool the execution, the attitude behind the words, the body language and other communication factors can be sending a completely opposite message to what our words mean. The message the student is sending is that he is someone fearful, insecure, negative, desperate, dramatic, degenerate… OK, OK not that bad. The point is that the girl is receiving much more information than just the words.
Maybe now you’re thinking, “I don’t have any problem going up to a girl to talk to her. I don’t tremble, I just don’t know WHAT to say to her.” Well, what happens is that we are still looking for her validation and subconsciously that is what we are going to communicate. No matter what beautiful words we are saying what we are going to be transmitting is what we are subconsciously thinking: “I need a phrase to impress her”.
Because we still see her as better than us.
And what happens when we think this way?
What happens is that we will get the feeling that we need to force ourselves to get her. It’s that moment when we start thinking of her as a prize and everything we say will be used against us.
And here is the important difference: the coach does not think he needs a phrase (regardless of whether he uses it or not) because he does not think of the woman he speaks to as better than him, rather he seeks to establish a relationship as equals.
However, the student who does see the woman as better than him thinks he needs a phrase and even though he and the coach say the same thing they communicate different messages. As a result the girl will feel that there is something strange about the student, that he is not being genuine or authentic and so she will reject him.
As I said before, it’s not that it’s wrong to look for pre-set openers or conversations but the truth is that most of them are not going to be of much use to us. If we try to do what others have already done but it’s not congruent with our personality, we’ll probably fail.
Even if we receive a positive response, such as «oh, thank you,» most likely we’re just going to sit there thinking, «great! But what do I do now ?!»
Many guys told me how their conversations flowed well when they talked to girls who didn’t interest them, while when they were with women they liked, they confessed that they had problems, that the conversation didn’t flow and all their efforts were worthless. Their question was how they should act in front of these «women» that they liked.
«I feel like if I had two or three go-to topics I know I could improve and get women to like me more», one guy wrote to me.
In chapter three of Seduction Simplified, «The girl 10», I talk about the mistake of believing that we must act differently according to how attractive we consider a woman. The logic of this thinking is that the more attractive a woman is, the greater the difficulty in seducing her, which determines our behavior and how to get her.
One of the problems with this is believing that women see themselves in the same way that we see them. We could say that it doesn’t depend so much on their physical beauty but rather on their emotional need and self-esteem, in short, how they see themselves.
In the same way, our attractiveness and the attraction that we make her feel will depend more on the perception we have of ourselves and our emotional needs.
If we overestimate her we will undoubtedly feel more nervous, we will act awkwardly and we are likely to feel that she is out of reach. The men that women find attractive are those that they see as equal to or slightly «above» them. If we think we need a funny phrase to pick her up it will be difficult for her to see us as attractive.
It’s not that there aren’t any eloquent phrases, ones that make people fall in love or that really have a profound impact on them, it’s just that we shouldn’t focus on the phrase itself, it won’t depend on that. If a phrase works really well, it’s likely that she already felt attracted before we approached her.
So, what can we do?
So long as we are 100% congruent and honest we can say almost anything. There are no incorrect phrases when they are honest ones. You can find more about how to have an attractive personality here.
It’s a matter of changing our mindset: we do not need to say anything special to attract her. I used to think that to pick up a woman I needed to say something interesting, make her laugh, receive three indicators of interest and then move on to another phase …
The less we think about what to say or talk about with a woman, the more we will concentrate on the interaction itself. We can genuinely take interest in the conversation and respond naturally, instead of thinking about the next phrase to say.
The fewer things that go through our heads, the more time we will have for a fun, interesting and exciting conversation with her. Through a process of trial and error, rejections and uncomfortable moments the conversation begins to flow as a result of the experience we gained.
Sure, it’s going to take a while until we start gaining experience but that’s how it is with any other skill. Just keep in mind that you’re not waiting for her to say something like: «oh yes, I want you to take me to your bed right now» every time we start a conversation. The fact that you receive a reaction is positive. Let’s play with that reaction and move on to another conversation.
It’s like this, due to experience and seeing the girl as an equal the conversation got going. That is what we should focus on, not words.
How to talk with girls – How to turn on the most important attraction mechanism?
Who is your favorite super model or actress? Imagine her. I’m going to imagine Jennifer Aniston who, despite being older, I still like (and no, you can’t imagine the same person). Now imagine that you have her at your side.
How does it make you feel? Do you like it? I’ll assume so, since she’s your favorite.
What would happen if you could make her feel everything that you’re experiencing with equal or greater intensity? All we need to do is activate their attraction mechanisms.
Well, it’s not height (although that helps), it’s not muscles (although that helps), it’s not being rich (although that helps), it’s not fame (although that helps) nor how many girls want us (although that really helps).
So, what is it?
It’s what all of these features point towards: OUR STATUS.
I’m not talking about superficial status (although that helps) but about something much deeper. Women will not judge our status based on our material goods, how many drinks we buy them or if we have a pretty face. But they will do it because of our behavior and how needy we act in front of them.
This is another topic that I touch on in my book «Seduction Simplified«, however, I consider it important enough to talk about again. An element of personality that determines the attractiveness of an individual is their behavior and emotional need.
It is said that in prehistoric times women considered the personality, status and hierarchy of their potential partners more, bearing in mind the need for protection and their chances of survival. The presence (or absence) of these aspects is measured by women through observation, more or less unconsciously, of male behavior.
When we talk about behavior we refer to how someone behaves in front of other people and also to how others behave in front of them. These two aspects are intimately linked, since in a certain way others treat us as we allow them to.
An important component of behavior is emotional need. In most cases the attraction that a person’s personality generates is inversely proportional to their emotional need.
People with a high level of emotional need tend to be less attractive and invest emotionally in others much more than others invest in them. They prioritize the perception other people have of them over how they feel about themselves. They seek the acceptance of others rather than living life on their own terms.
This attitude is subconsciously communicated through behavior and a woman (or people in general) can intuitively tell when we are at our most needy. Not investing emotionally can be difficult when we are faced with a very attractive woman, either by idealization or when we have fear of losing her.
In the same way, women can also be emotionally needy. Although in men emotional neediness is a pretty unattractive quality it is not considered as undesirable a factor in women.
It is important to note that women are equally attracted to men who demonstrate the potential to be successful and those who have already achieved success. As examples we could think of a university student with many skills who has not yet finished his schooling, a painter with little money who paints masterpieces, a talented dancer who has not yet achieved a starring role or a tenacious businessman who is going through a bad spell.
Mario Luna, one of the most prominent coaches in Spain, refers to «giving away power» as something similar to «emotional need». He says that when it comes to the mechanisms of attraction «giving away power» is the main mistake we can make, and also, the most difficult to see.
Because giving away our power makes us lose her attraction but not her approval. This is where many men believe they earn points towards seducing a woman but in fact do the opposite. “Oh, I made her laugh 3 times!”.
When what they are really earning is a pat on the back for trying too hard and giving her all their attention. That is giving away your power. Also those who think of a perfect phrase beforehand don’t realize that even before the game begins THEY ARE GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER.
Another way of giving away our power can be talking about things that don’t interest us and trying to cling to whatever thread of the conversation she shows some interest in. All for the simple fact of maintaining the conversation, as if the number of words we said represented how soon we’d be in her bed. We have to remove her from the center of our Universe.
Quite often, when a guy finds himself in front of a woman who attracts him, he overreacts. In simple words, the girl’s behavior causes an emotional reaction in the guy which makes him respond too quickly or intensely.
For example, it is very common that if an attractive woman makes a disapproving face when talking to a guy he immediately feels very down or gets angry or upset. If she shows him a sign of her approval or touches him then his face changes suddenly as though he had just won the lottery. When she speaks, without realizing it, he turns quickly to listen to her and not miss any detail. If she says or asks something he is already responding before he even understands the question.
Remember this, what’s reactive is repulsive.
That is why it is fundamental that we do not react more than her because in an interaction the person who reacts less often is the one who has more emotional power over the other.
As Mario says, for women our «power» is just as attractive in us as something like their ass or their tits can be to us and the main ingredient of our appeal for them.
Let me be honest, I’ve been studying seduction since 2008 and I’ve been with incredible women and yet sometimes even I screw it up, sometimes I give them my power by mistake. Sometimes it happens to Mario and the same for 99% of men. It happens to all of us, it’s something human, the solution is to accept it and move on. Don’t aim for perfection all the time.
So, with the next girl, this is how I propose we do it. Even if we only interact with her for a few seconds, let’s conduct an experiment. Instead of reacting like a scared mouse, release the lion you have inside and … react less.
How do we do it?
Slow down your movements, as if you are almost in slow motion. Breathe deeply, take time before responding. Keep relaxed and calm, no matter what you say or do. Do not overreact. Don’t change your behavior to get her attention. Don’t beg for her approval. Don’t do anything for her that she would not do for you (for example: follow her, buy her a drink, etc). An attitude that I like to project is showing them that they can leave whenever they want. I do not try to keep them talking more or try to get closer if they move away.
When you go to say something look her in the eye before speaking. If you don’t have her full attention then do not say anything because even if your feet are pointing towards her and hers are pointing away from you then you are giving away your power.
However, I don´t want this to be taken as a «compensation behavior», but as a way of being less reactive to the world and not taking situations or people so personally. Remember that beyond advice true emotional independence is something that takes time to develop. It is a more complex internal process that, in time, will allow us to be truly honest.
This is the thing, if we are in front of a girl thinking about:
- How do I impress her?
- How do I make her like me?
- What can I do to make her have sex with me?
Then we are giving away our power and being needy. Unfortunately this is what happens to most men when they talk to an attractive woman. This is definitely not the best thing to do.
As I said before this will happen if we think of her as being above us. Instead of asking ourselves if we are good enough to hook up with her we should ask ourselves if she has something interesting about her beyond her sex appeal. Thinking highly of her only for her beauty will undoubtedly make us feel more nervous, act awkwardly and probably make us feel that she is out of our reach. Thinking highly of her to the point of worshipping her is one of the main reasons why we give away our power.
Every interaction with a woman is a way to improve our skills and ourselves. The aim is not to sleep with her but to develop ourselves on a personal level. If we end up in her bed it is because we are definitely on the right track.
But then, should we take the initiative, should we advance when it’s the right moment?
Of course. The idea is that you don’t do it with a needy attitude. Mario says: we enter “the store” to “try on a pair of pants” not to “buy them”. If it’s clear from the start that we want to buy them that would be giving them our power.
Let’s try to interact with them FROM A POSITION OF POWER, WITHOUT GIVING IT AWAY and tell me: what differences do you notice? Did their gestures change? Did they begin to act like timid little girls that blush?
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