6 Easy Strategies of How to Talk with Girls and Get Them Attracted
- If you have trouble chatting with a girl you like.
- If you always end up having boring conversations or don´t know what to say.
- lf you want to know what to do on a date to make it a fun, exciting and interesting experience.
- If you want her to really enjoy being with you and to feel attracted to you.
- If you have already searched through various videos, blogs or Wikihow and they did not help you.
Then this is the right post for you…
Some of the questions I get asked most frequently are: “How do I start a conversation?” “What do I say to a girl?” “Should I have certain phrases prepared in advance?”
One of the main problems when striking up a conversation with a woman is that everything seems to be going well and then suddenly her interest seems to simply disappear. As her answers get fewer and shorter you can start to feel like the situation is a complete disaster and that you’d give anything to know what she was thinking.
It’s happened to all of us some time or another when we don’t know what to say when starting a conversation or when there are some uncomfortable silences. The truth is that it’s not as difficult as many think and yet many men end up in boring conversations and the girls they like rarely have unforgettable nights with them.
Because they end up doing the same boring, predictable and tedious things that the last 100 guys did and they simply don’t work. Imagine that one girl is on a date with a random guy she doesn’t know and he starts asking her the same questions she always hears: “So, where do you come from?”, “What is your job?”, “What do you study?”, “Why did you choose that university?”, “Where would you like to live?”, “Where would you like to go on vacation?” Some men will even talk about the WEATHER! That last one, definitely, is not the topic of conversation of an unforgettable night!
The worst thing is that there is a belief that the solution to this is “openers” or pre-set phrases and I have to admit that I used to think that way too. Once a guy wrote to me: “If I had a perfect phrase to start a conversation everything else would just flow.”
Many guys are looking for this perfect phrase, an all-encompassing opener, that will instantly get a girl to be interested in them and attracted to them….sorry, it just doesn’t work this way!
This is not another cheap book of dating advice from one of your peers… although is a cheap book. The thing is this guide will not only give you the tools to have better conversations with girls but also give you a better understanding of what is important and what isn’t.
How many times have we gone from being engaged in a conversation with a woman where everything seems to be going well, when suddenly, she simply seems to lose all interest?
Something very important to understand is that men, biologically, have certain traits that differentiate us from women. Usually, women tend to have a more emotional way of thinking, while men have a more logical way of thinking. I know there is a lot of controversy about this but at least, that’s how I see it in my experience.
This does not mean that women do not act in a logical way or men do not react emotionally (especially when it comes to women). What I’m trying to say is that women tend to act emotionally more often than men, generally basing their decisions on how they feel at the moment. This helps us to better understand their behavior and explains why a woman can suddenly gain or lose interest.
Now, one of the problems men have in a conversation is focusing on the facts of the subject, rather than the emotions. Remember that when talking with a girl it is important that she go through a roller coaster of sensations. This means that she wants an exciting conversation. If you do not generate fun, tension and conflict there is no emotion, there is no chemistry.
It is for this same reason that a woman can quickly lose interest in a man in a conversation. He begins to ask the typical boring and platonic questions like: “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”, “Where are you from?”, “What are you studying?”
We can ask these conventional questions over and over and you know what? Nothing will happen in her brain except for: “OK, I’m going to give my standard answer because that’s what I’m used to doing: my name is Jessica, I’m 23 years old, I’m from…”
When most guys talk to a very attractive woman they feel afraid and their conversation ends up being like a bad and predictable movie without any emotion…like the most recent Adam Sandler movies. They ask boring questions and try not to unsettle the woman so that she feels very safe and validated. Instead of being a man who is sexually interested, they sound like an asexual creature that can’t generate tension or emotion.
And what are we communicating with this?
That we’re a guy who’s not worth her time and will talk about ANYTHING just to avoid uncomfortable moments, even if we don’t care about the subject. On the contrary, we’ll win the conversation (and her attraction) if she invests more than we do emotionally (following or staying around us, doing things for us, showing interest, letting herself become more physical with us, etc …).
Think of a conversation in which she’ll get wrapped up in knowing about our lives because it’s interesting and fun and we aren’t struggling to keep her with us. Many times I have dropped a conversation and stayed in silence upon not seeing interest from a woman or in order to test their interest. Don’t worry about taking a break while talking and don’t be afraid of silences, they don’t bite.
Why, instead of asking what topics of conversation might interest her do you not think about what you would like to say yourself?
Sometimes we think that to have an exciting conversation we have to tell a great story, ask the right questions or say something really cool. We’re so concerned that everything goes well with the person we like that we feel tense or as if they’re evaluating us. However, if a good conversation has anything it’s CHAOS. There aren´t correct questions or answers or universal opinions that can please everyone in the world.
The more we think about what we’re supposed to ask, the further we’ll be from engaging in a good conversation. The best conversations aren´t precise or perfect or ordered, it’s quite the opposite, as I said before great conversations are pretty chaotic. They are disorderly, exciting, spontaneous, and bounce around to several topics without necessarily finishing many of them.
Conversations don’t start off as deep or relevant, they become like that as we share dreams, aspirations and fears with the other person and we start getting to know each other.
There are always going to be moments in a conversation when you have ups and downs. Don’t expect to make her laugh without stopping, in that case you’d be looking for her validation. Don’t fall for the pressure to create sensational conversations or the idea that your dates should be like sky diving, bungee jumping or that life should be like a James Bond action movie. The issue is that it’s important to know how to direct conversations so that they’re exciting. Later when she is in our bed we can ask her what she studies, what she is dedicated to or her name …
Remember, women look for someone exciting, not someone who’s afraid of expressing themselves.
So, how to talk with girls and create exciting conversations? Here are the 6 strategies
1 – Make statements
Making statements can be much more powerful than asking questions because it generates the idea that we already know the person. Friends generally talk making statements, not questions.
Asking questions creates a context in which we want something from the other person by requesting information. For this reason making statements can be much more powerful since we are not “taking” anything from the other person.
The statements can be simple, instead of asking “how do you know each other?” say, “it seems like you’ve known each other for a long time.”
Most guys talk to a woman in interview mode asking her questions to keep her there and to make sure the conversation doesn’t die. Sometimes asking questions may be inevitable to get a conversation rolling, however, these should be used sporadically.
Statements are a good way to restart a conversation in a more interesting way than a question. Instead of asking a generic question to prevent the conversation from dying, like, “what did you study?” you can say something about yourself like: “I always wanted to learn to parachute.”, “My dream is to swim around with sharks or spend a year in Tibet.”, “The other day I read in a book that there were some Siamese twins who were born in Korea and one of them had his head stuck in the other’s butt.” Whatever.
It is better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to say something.
This works because unlike questions, statements do not require investment from the other person. We can say whatever we want and there is no implicit expectation that she will generate conversation. That’s why declarations can be a great habit since we create new topics for conversations.
Statements also oblige us to share our thoughts with a woman and share who we are, thus showing vulnerability. If we only ask questions, it will be more difficult for her to contribute to the conversation.
On the other hand, if the girl is interested in what we say and begins to ask us questions about what we’re talking about, she’ll be the one who is “taking” something from us. She’ll be looking to find out more about who we are, she’ll be the one who is investing.
2 – Cold reading
“The only thing that people love more than talking about themselves is listening to people talk about them.”
This is where the concept of “cold reading” comes in, one of my favorite tools when making statements. Basically it’s trying to guess something about someone as if we knew it based on some particular trait. Instead of asking what we want to know, we simply try to predict it.
For example instead of asking:
“Where are you from?” You can say: “You’re from X place.”
“What do you do for a living?” You can say: “You look adventurous/ intellectual/ analytical I bet that your job is interesting.”
“Do you have brothers or sisters?” You can say: “You look like the youngest/ oldest in your family” or “you look like an only child, you have a whimsical face”
“Do you like to read?” You can say: “I bet that you love to read.”
We should try to apply this as much as possible with the person we converse with regardless of whether we’re right or wrong. This will generate more threads of conversation and many times she’ll even ask us about what we have said.
3 – Connection
As I said before, many men focus on facts in a conversation, rather than emotions. We talk about “where we went”, “who we saw”, “what happened” instead of what it meant to us or what we felt.
In a dialogue there’s always what’s known as a “conversational crossroads” with two different paths that could lead to continuous superficiality or to greater intimacy. For example, in a conversation, she can say something like: “next month I’m going to France”.
Keeping the conversation going on a superficial level would mean asking questions like: “What day are you going?”, “How long are you going?” , “What places are you going to?”
Now, to take the conversation to a greater level of intimacy we would say:
“Is it your first time in France?” , “How does travelling make you feel?”, “Is there anything in particular that you like about that place?”.
Giving an emotional twist to a conversation is what makes it more interesting. When many guys talk about themselves they say something like, “hello! My name is Jimmy, I’m 24 years old and I like to travel.” It’s not that this is bad but it’s something very general and not very exciting.
If we want to generate a connection when we talk to a woman, the focus should be on her and us; our passions, identity, dreams, ambitions, goals in life, best and worst experiences that we’ve gone through, childhood, family, travel, etc. These are the things that make us unique, that is, different from the last 30 dudes who spoke with her.
Next we need to find out what her true motivations are. Why does she want the things she wants? Most men generally don’t dig very deep with their questions and doing so is a very good way to create a more intense conversation. Discover why she wants the things she wants. For example, instead of asking, “did you like it?”, ask, “what did you like about it?”
We can also ask open-ended questions to make the topics deeper, for example:
What made you want that? (passion, hobby, career, etc.)
How did that experience make you feel? (Start of a trip, project, etc.)
Why? (Yes, it can be that simple.)
As we said before, the idea isn’t to make this a job interview but to ask questions that lead to interesting and fun topics.
If you want to connect with a girl you must learn to speak in this way. The truth is that talking about football won’t be the best way (unless that’s one of the girl’s great passions).
4 – Know how to listen
Being a good listener can be one of the most important skills in life, and yet not everyone really knows how to do it.
Being in front of a good listener brings us pleasure but, in general, people usually want to express themselves instead of listening to the other person. The desire to say what we want to say is stronger than the desire to hear and understand what the other person is saying.
These are the four characteristics that make you a good listener:
Have genuine interest:
Good listeners have a true interest in learning more in a genuine way. They are curious, the type of people who push to know more than what the other person is saying. They ask questions like: “What hurt them or made them more passionate?”, “Why did you act that way?”, “Why was that important?”
They may even go back in the story to something that was mentioned before as if they were creating a map of the scene. They get excited by what they hear.
Look for clarification:
This is related to the previous point but basically dig into the details and motivations of “why” something was done or why someone felt a certain way. Don’t look at the story as a simple anecdote but seek a clearer and deeper understanding of the situation.
Don’t judge other’s values:
When someone speaks they aren’t looking to be judged or criticized but simply understood. A good listener doesn’t make value judgments about the fears or faults of others because they have a deeper understanding of how crazy the human mind can be. They aren’t surprised or scared about these issues but they accept and recognize them.
Separate disagreement from criticism:
There is a great tendency to perceive disagreement as an act of hostility. A good listener can make it clear that they disagree with what another person says and yet accept the existence of different opinions. Again, they don’t make a value judgment or take disagreements personally. This is very common in discussions about politics or religion.
Finally, a great advantage that we’ll obtain from being good listeners is that we’ll learn more from everyone else. As Dale Carnegie says: “Every man I meet is superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”
5 – Conversation threads
The concept of conversation threads is related to jumping from one topic to another in a conversation, thus keeping things interesting. For example, we’re talking to a girl and she says:
“Last summer I was in Morocco crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel trip. The day had been really long and everything was extremely exciting until way in the distance I saw the highway where the cars were crossing. We definitely weren’t as isolated from the world as I thought.”
Then in response we could talk about:
1- Morocco and other related countries.
2- Stories about our journeys.
3- What we did last summer.
4- Experiences that turned out to be deceptive.
And so on with countless topics such as the Sahara, excursions, camels, etc. In this way we can jump to other interesting topics that arise in the conversation. You should make this technique into a habit when it comes to conversing with people. Conversations only end when one of the people no longer has any conversational threads. Anyway, you can always restart a conversation with a new statement, and if not a statement, then a question.
Now, if we’re talking to a girl and suddenly she is disinterested or reluctant to talk, just leave her. It’s not worth continuing. Don’t try to force someone to like you. Would you buy a dog that bites you?
It is important to set standards, don’t seek out every girl you see for the simple fact that they’re cute. This is a needy attitude and it will demonstrate that you don’t value yourself highly enough. It’s not about chasing women or entertaining them, but about being the kind of person who has fun in every interaction.
6 – Physical escalation forms part of every conversation
Physical escalation is part of nonverbal communication. If she doesn’t feel comfortable giving you her hand, don’t expect her to feel comfortable kissing you. Just giving her small touches on the arm is usually enough. Once this is achieved and she is attracted, you can connect with her and go for the kiss.
Never leave physical escalation to the side. Many guys have good conversations but never physically escalate for fear of messing up or making a mistake. It’s a typical error that lands you in the friendzone.
A question that comes to me frequently is this one:
You could be on the first date (or it’s the first time in which you’re alone together with the girl), the place is very quiet and although it’s easy to tell that she likes you, there is a certain distance that doesn’t allow you to go for the kiss (usually because of a lack of physical escalation or sexual tension when flirting). If you find yourself in this situation, what I recommend most is to confess to her that you like her.”
If you find yourself in this situation, what I recommend most is to confess to her that you like her.
It’s probably going to hurt you, it’s going to be hard for you but it’s the best opportunity in these cases. The situation would be a bit like “break the glass in case of emergency”. You can say something like, “did you know that I feel nervous by your side”. She can ask, “why?” Your response would be, “because I like you”.
Now, I’m not saying that you should spit this right out instantly, (unless you think it’s time), but rather to make your intentions clear. Seriously, never intend to postpone the kiss for the next date because what will probably happen is that it won’t work and she will see you as a friend that doesn’t have any balls.
Yep…a castrated friend…
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