Hi I’m German Muhlenberg and this is the summary of Models by Mark Manson. Models is a very special book for me because it is the one on which mine is based (Seduction Simplified). Models is not about being negative or demanding with women, it’s about focusing on becoming a more attractive and honest person. Overcoming the insecurities that get in the way of most men regarding women. I am going to divide this summary into three parts, but only to make it easier to understand. Is not how it is divided in the book. So let’s start…
So Part I of the summary is: What defines us as attractive?
There is no doubt that being powerful, rich and famous are attributes that would make us more attractive, however, these are not a necessary condition. Studies show that women distinguish social status by how we behave towards other people, how other people behave towards us, and how we treat ourselves. The presence (or absence) of these aspects are assessed by women through more or less conscious observation of male behavior. For this reason, the selection base don the behavior usually takes a little longer, although it often occurs almost immediately.
Women want to be desired, and the more assertive we are in demonstrating our desire, the stronger their arousal will be. Even when they initially showed no interest. Status attracts women in a way that they see us as a potential couple. But being physically assertive and sexually direct triggers a woman’s sexual arousal. But there is a big difference between expressing our sexual desire in an honest and disinterested way, and flattery that is dishonest and seeks a reaction from the other party. It is important to note that these compliments are sexual, not emotional. Expressing our sexual desire is crucial if we don’t want to end up in «The Friend Zone.» Unless, of course, that is our desire.
Not being needy:
This comes up in many seduction books but in Models explicitly says: “how attractive a man is, is inversely proportional to how needy he is”. The more needy, the less attractive, and vice versa. This means, being more invested in our own perception than other people’s. The way to build real confidence and become more attractive is to invest in yourself. Women are generally more attracted to men who are more interested in themselves than in them. Ideally, two emotionally healthy individuals will start a relationship with both low investments and increase it as the relationship grows.
Many seduction books talk about vulnerability but not in the way Models does. It’s simply about showing ourselves as we are. It’s not just being willing to share our fears or insecurities, but also being open to rejection. Vulnerability represents a deep and subtle form of power. A man who can make himself vulnerable is saying to the world, «I don’t care what you think of me; this is who I am and I refuse to be anyone else.» He is saying that he is not needy and that he has high status. Men with high status behavior are comfortable with their vulnerability. A man comfortable with his vulnerability is the opposite of a needy man. As such, vulnerability is the path to true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person. So. How attractive we are is based on our non-needy behavior. Our non-needy behavior is based on how vulnerable we are. And how vulnerable we are, is based on how honest we are with ourselves and with others. So the idea is that everything we say should be as authentic as possible. There is no shortcut. There are no tricks. We say it because we mean it and we say it because it’s what we believe. Let’s not try to be «cool» or act like we’re not interested when we are. If a man wasn’t afraid of being rejected, he would have the confidence to honestly express his attraction to a woman. This is «true honesty.»
The first step in setting boundaries is learning to say «no» to people. Start having opinions about what we like and tolerate, and what we do not. Let’s first be honest with ourselves and then with others. Our ability and willingness to set boundaries is inversely proportional to how needy we are. A non-needy man does not seek to impose his boundaries over the boundaries of others, he is simply interested in maintaining his boundaries. He values his own time and happiness more than receiving a woman’s attention.
Part II: The Seduction Process
At the beginning of a relationship, women tend to be less committed and needy. When a man approaches her and induces her to become more involved than he is, this is the process of seduction. Unlike other books, such as the Mystery Method, which tend to choose their strategies according to the attractiveness of the woman, in Models, they are divided according to their interest: unreceptive, neutral and receptive:
Unreceptive: These are the women who are not available or interested in having a romantic relationship with us. Do not waste your time trying to conquer them, the best thing to do is to walk away.
Neutral: Men usually know if we are interested in someone quickly but this is not always the case with women. The goal with neutral women is to take a polarizing action that forces them to decide if they like us. This means touching them, inviting them over, joking around, flirting with them, etc. If they do not show a clear interest, they will move toward an unreceptive person.
Receptive: These are women who are already very attracted to us. We can tell if they are receptive if they initiate an interaction with us (eye contact, approaching, touching, etc.), or reciprocate our advances with enthusiasm. This means returning our touches, making an effort to stay close to us, leaving their friends behind, etc. Generally, we will attract women who have similar education, looks, interests, and success. If two people don’t match, there will be friction. But if we focus on meeting women who share our interests, values and needs, then we are likely to have a greater number of women who are receptive and who we enjoy more.
Dating Strategy: Polarization
Polarization is all about flirting, teasing, joking, asking her to dance, or going on a date. This is everything in the Mystery Method is called the Negas or Flirting. If we want a woman to stop being neutral we must polarize her. When we do this, women may be attracted to us or they will reject us.
For a woman to become receptive, we must show ourselves to be less needy than they are by freely expressing our vulnerability and identity to them. Let’s not try to act in a way that makes all women like us, because that way we would be seeking their approval. Let’s simply provoke a reaction, whether good or bad. We do this by making ourselves vulnerable, telling her we like her and polarizing her one way or the other and feeling comfortable with either outcome. As we talked about in the «Vulnerability» section, let’s be unconditionally honest. What we actually say doesn’t matter; WHY we say it is what matters. It’s about the intent and the sub-communication behind it.
Part III: The three principles
There are three factors that determine our success with women, and these are:
1. Lifestyle: creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle.
2. Courage: overcoming our fears and anxiety around women.
3. Social Skills: mastering the expression of our emotions and communicating with others.
Improving each of these points will improve our results. Each of the three principles can be worked on independently, but improving one of these three often indirectly benefits the other two and vice versa. The percentage of women who are receptive to us will increase proportionally to the quality of our lifestyle, social status and appearance. Our ability to meet the most women will be determined by our courage to approach them. The percentage of women who go from neutral to receptive will be proportional to how good our «game» or social skills are. The way to improve each of these fundamentals is to deepen our vulnerability in each of them.
The best thing to do before you start talking to a woman is to take a piece of paper and ask yourself the following questions:
– What do we value in a woman? Intelligence? Education? Humor? Honesty? Affection? Curiosity? Similar interests?
– Women with the traits we value, where do we usually find them?
– What do we most enjoy doing in our spare time? Playing music? Do we like to write or read? Do we like sports and competitions? What events can we participate in and explore those hobbies?
We should have opinions of our own. The easiest way to be interesting is to try new things and have a formed opinion on different topics, without worrying about what other people might think or be offended.
Perhaps anxiety is the biggest culprit for preventing men from going out and meeting new women. But going out and talking to new people will help us eliminate that anxiety or at least, cope with it. The most common response when we are afraid is to avoid the problem, and usually, we convince ourselves that deep down we don’t want it (in this case, for example, meeting women). However, this is nothing more than a way of lying to ourselves.
How do we break our anxiety pattern? Let’s think about what we are most anxious about: getting close to a woman? showing sexual interest? asking a girl out? having a first kiss? maybe all of the above?
If, for example, approaching a woman creates anxiety for us, then we should expose ourselves to that constantly and incrementally. First we might approach a few women every day just to ask for the time. Once we feel comfortable doing that, we could ask them how they’re doing or whatever. We continue to make it harder until we can approach women telling them we like them and asking them out on a date.
This method works for any aspect of our lives where we need to take action. Courage is a form of discipline, just like building a muscle. The more courage we gain, the more we will be able to take actions. Actions require a lot of vulnerability and destroy needy behaviors. The more courage we have, the more attraction we create. Remember, greater courage leads to greater polarization.
3- Social Skills
Social skills are a series of overlapping habits. If we have trouble connecting with other people, we have probably developed communication habits that are not attractive. Let’s identify the good or bad habits we want to build or eliminate, and consciously focus on them until they come naturally to us. On the other hand, there is no man who is good with women who ever doesn’t scare them or is «weird». The truth is that if we are open about our sexuality, it can sometimes feel strange to some women. For example, if we meet a girl and simply say, «I like you, I’d like to ask you out.» It’s one of the most powerful and practical things we can say. Not only is it vulnerable, but it also generates a lot more sexual tension. Remember that what we talk about has much more to do with our intentions than it does with our words.
Personally of all the books I’ve read, and I read a lot, Models I think is the most accurate in terms of getting better at dating and relationships. Our values and how we interact with others will determine the quality of our relationships in life. If you manipulate and play games you are eventually going to attract people who do the same. As I said, these topics, and many others are also covered in my book Seduction Simplified. So I recommend it and see you next time.