This guide introduces the topics covered in “Seduction Simplified,” so you can get an idea of the content. This book is not about being contemptible or demanding with women, but about focusing on becoming a more attractive and honest person. Overcome the insecurities that stand in the way of most men, with respect to women.
Let’s get started…
What Defines Us as Attractive?
There is no doubt that being powerful, rich, and famous are attributes that would make us more attractive. However, these are not a necessarily required. Studies show that women are just as attracted to men who believe they have the potential to be successful as men who already are. Women distinguish social status by how we behave with other people, how other people behave with us, and how we treat ourselves. The presence (or absence) of these aspects is assessed by women through the more or less conscious observation of male behavior. For this reason, selection based on behavior usually takes a little longer for women, although it sometimes happens almost immediately.
2- Sexual desire:
Women want to be desired, and the more assertive we are in demonstrating our desire, the stronger their excitement will be, even when they have initially showed no interest. Status itself attracts women as it makes them see us as a potential partner. Being physically assertive and sexually direct triggers a woman’s sexual arousal, however, there is a big difference between expressing our sexual desire honestly or disinterestedly, with flattery that is dishonest and seeks a reaction from the other side.
It is important to note that these compliments are sexual, not emotional. Expressing our sexual desire is crucial if we don’t want to end up in “The Dead Zone”… I mean “The Friend Zone.” At least, of course, that’s our desire.
3- Not being needy:
How attractive a man is becomes inversely proportional to how needy he is. The more needy, the less attractive, and vice versa. This means being more involved in our own perception than in other people’s. The way to build true confidence and become more attractive is to invest in yourself. Women are generally more attracted to men who are more interested in themselves than in them.
Ideally, two emotionally healthy individuals will begin a relationship each with a low investment, then increase it as the relationship grows. In a healthy relationship, the difference between the two people’s investments would never be too far apart.
It’s just about us showing who we are. It’s not just being willing to share our fears or insecurities, but also being open to rejection. Vulnerability represents a deep and subtle form of power. A man who can become vulnerable tells the world: “I don’t care what you think of me; this is what I am and I refuse to be someone else.” He is saying that he is not needy and that he has a high status.
Men with high-status behavior are comfortable with their vulnerability. A man comfortable with his vulnerability is the opposite of a man who is needy. As such, vulnerability is the path to true human connection and becoming a truly attractive person.
How attractive we are is based on our non-needy behavior. Our non-needy behavior is based on how vulnerable we are. And how vulnerable we are is based on how honest we are with ourselves and others.
So the idea is that everything we say should be as authentic as possible. There is no shortcut. There are no tricks. We say it because it’s serious and we say it because it’s what we believe. Let’s not try to be “cool” or act like we’re not interested when we are. If a man were not afraid of being rejected, he would have the confidence to honestly express his attraction to a woman. This is “true honesty.”
The first step in setting limits is learning to say “no” to people. Beginning to have opinions about what we like and tolerate, and what we don’t. First, we must be honest with ourselves and then with others. Our ability and willingness to set limits is inversely proportional to our need. A non-needy man does not seek to impose his limits over the limits of others; he is simply interested in maintaining his limits. He values his own time and happiness more than receiving a woman’s attention.
The Seduction Process:
At the beginning of a relationship, women tend to be less engaged and needy. When a man approaches her and induces her to become more involved than he is, this is the process of seduction. In the beginning, women tend to be much more demanding in choosing their partners because they have much more to lose. They retain sex until they feel comfortable and safe with a man.
Unlike other books that usually choose their strategies based upon the beauty of women, in “Seduction Simplified,” we measure it according to the interest they show. Would it be logical to act in the same way with women who are interested in us as with those who are not? As in Mark Manson’s “Models,” women can be divided into three categories: receptive, neutral, and unresponsive:
Unreceptive: Women who are not available or interested in having a romantic relationship with us. Don’t waste your time trying to conquer them; the best thing you can do is walk away.
Neutral: Men generally know if we are interested in someone quickly but this is not always the case for women. The objective with neutral women is to take a polarizing action that forces them to decide if they like you or not: touch them, invite them, joke, flirt with them, etc. If they don’t show a clear interest, they will move towards becoming an unreceptive person.
Receptive: These are the women who are already very attracted to us. We can tell if they are receptive if they initiate an interaction with us (eye contact, approaching, touching, etc.), or are reciprocal to our advances with enthusiasm. This means returning our touches, making an effort to stay close to us, leaving their friends, etc.
Similar attracts similar. Generally, we will attract women who have similar education, appearance, interests, and success. If two people don’t match, there will be friction. But if we focus on meeting women who share our interests, values, and needs, then we will probably have more women who are receptive and we will enjoy ourselves more.
Dating Strategy: Polarization
Polarizing is all about flirting, teasing, joking, asking you to dance or go on a date. If we want a woman to stop being neutral, we must polarize her. When we do this, women may be attracted to us or they will reject us.
To turn a woman receptive, we must demonstrate that we are less needy than they are by expressing our vulnerability and identity freely to them. Let’s not try to act in a way that makes all women like us, because that way, we would be seeking their approval. Let’s just provoke a reaction, either good or bad. We do this by making ourselves vulnerable, telling her we like her and polarizing her in one way or another, and feeling comfortable with any outcome.
As we discussed in the “Vulnerability” section, let us be unconditionally honest. What we say really doesn’t matter; WHY we say it is what matters. It’s about the intention and the sub-communication behind it.
The Three Principles:
There are three factors that determine our success with women, and these are:
- Lifestyle: Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle.
- Courage: Overcoming our fears and anxiety about women.
- Social skills: Mastering the expression of our emotions and communicating with others.
Improving each of these points will perfect our results. Each of the three principles can be worked on independently, but improving one of these three often indirectly benefits the other two and vice versa.
The percentage of women who are receptive to us will increase proportionally to the quality of our lifestyle, social status, and appearance. Our ability to meet as many women as possible will be determined by our courage to approach them. The percentage of women going from neutral to receptive will be proportional to how good our “game” or social skills are. The way to improve each of these fundamentals is to deepen our vulnerability in each of them.
The best thing to do before you start talking to a woman is to take a piece of paper and ask yourself the following questions:
- What do you value about a woman? Intelligence? Education? Humor? Honesty? Affection? Curiosity? Similar interests?
- Where do you usually find women with the traits you value?
- What do you most enjoy doing in your spare time? Playing music? Do you like to write or read? Do you like sports and competitions? In what events can you participate and explore those hobbies?
We must have our own opinions. The easiest way to be interesting is to try new things and have a clear opinion on different subjects, without worrying about what other people might think or feeling offended.
Perhaps anxiety is the biggest culprit when it comes to keeping men from going out and meeting new women. But going out and talking to new people will help us eliminate that anxiety, or at least deal with it. The most common response when we’re afraid is to avoid the problem, and we usually convince ourselves that deep down, we don’t want it (in this case, for example, meeting women). However, that is just a way of lying to ourselves.
How do we break our anxiety pattern?
Let’s think about what worries us most: approaching a woman? Demonstrating sexual interest? Inviting a girl to go out? Giving the first kiss? Maybe all the above?
If, for example, we get anxious about approaching a woman, then we should be constantly and incrementally exposed to that. First, we could approach some women every day just to ask for the time. Once we feel comfortable doing that, we could ask them how they’re doing or whatever. We continue to make it harder until we can get close to the women by telling them we like them and asking them out for a date.
Are we afraid to kiss a girl on a date? Let’s challenge ourselves. Maybe first to hold her hand. Once we’ve done that several times, we can move forward by hugging them. Again, once we’ve done that several times, we can try to move on to the kiss.
This method works for any aspect of our lives where we need to take action.
Courage is a form of discipline, just like developing a muscle. The more courage we get, the more we will be able to perform ever bolder actions. Bold actions require a lot of vulnerability and destroy needy behaviors. The more audacious we are, the more attraction we create. Remember, greater audacity leads to greater polarization. On the other hand, porn destroys our motivation to pursue women in real life. To motivate ourselves more, let’s masturbate once a week without porn!
3- Social Skills:
Social skills are a series of overlapping habits. If we have trouble connecting with other people, we have probably developed unattractive communication habits. Let’s identify the good or bad habits we want to build or eliminate, and concentrate on them consciously until they are natural to us.
On the other hand, there is no man who is good with women who doesn’t ever frighten them or is “weird.” The truth is that if we are open about our sexuality, it can sometimes be strange for some women, but that’s okay and there’s no way around it.
For example, if we meet a girl and just say, “I think you’re beautiful, I’d like to ask you out. It’s one of the most powerful and practical things we can say. Not only is it vulnerable, but it also generates a lot more sexual tension. Remember that what we talk about has much more to do with our intentions than with our words.
Following the guide, we will continue to see how to develop our social skills.
First impressions are crucial. Our first impression will be based largely on how we present ourselves, our emotional need, and our ability to communicate clearly.
How can we make a good first impression?
When we have doubts about how to approach a woman, let’s just walk up and introduce ourselves by saying that we want to know her.
Let’s not delay, or it may feel uncomfortable and forced.
Always smile, stand up straight, have strong eye contact and speak loudly and clearly. Let’s introduce ourselves and reach out. Let’s give a firm handshake (without hurting). In this way, we will demonstrate our confidence.
If we have doubts about how to approach a woman, we simply walk towards her and introduce ourselves, telling her that we want to meet her. It may sound boring but remember, it’s not about entertaining her, it’s about creating more trust and genuine interest in her. If it’s during the day, you can say something like, “I’m sorry, this may be weird, but I liked you and I’d like to ask you out…”
If we are receiving many rejections, then we should pay attention to the following to identify the problem:
- We are doing something wrong. We are presenting ourselves or dressing badly, trying too hard, frightening her, not smiling, not looking her in the eye, not using good body language, etc.
- We are not coming off as honest or genuine. Perhaps, we are approaching for the wrong reasons. If we are doing it to impress our friends, expecting a reaction from the other person, or even as a simple pick-up statistic, then our reasons are wrong. On the other hand, if we approach a girl we like and tell her she’s cute, because we have really thought about it, then we are on the right track.
Let’s use effective language: Let’s say what we want to say with as few words as possible, as long as we maintain the meaning and intention of what we want to say.
Questions versus statements: Creating threads of conversation through statements is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes a good relationship with the other person and makes conversations more personal. Instead of asking her a question about her, let’s guess the answer and say it. Here are some examples:
- “What do you do for a living?” – It could be: “You seem like a creative person. I’d say your work is interesting.”
- “Where are you from?” – It could be: “You look like you’re from…”
- “How did you meet X?” – It could be: “I bet you’ve been friends for a long time.”
Remember, it’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to say something.
Every time we make a statement, one of these three things will happen:
- We are wrong and she corrects us. She will answer the question on which we based our statement and forget that we were wrong.
- We are wrong and she asks what made us think that. She will be so intrigued by our assumption that it will create new and deeper threads of conversation about what we observe of her.
- We are right and she is surprised at how perceptive we are. This will create a better relationship immediately and impress her at the same time.
If we speak correctly with statements, she will begin to ask us questions. Conversations only end when the other person has no thread to follow. We must learn to recognize the threads of conversation and take advantage of them as soon as possible, so that we can have a conversation with almost anyone indefinitely.
Human beings, by default, love stories. To create great stories, there are three main points to keep in mind:
- Set-up: We set up the scene or context of what we are about to tell.
- Content: After setting up what we are going to talk about, get into the real content. The content of our story must be intriguing and engage people so they want to know what happens next.
- Resolution: The release of tension from conflict or content. Resolutions can come in the form of key phrases (for jokes), conclusions (for ideas), or simply a closing for a generic story.
Developing our ability to tell stories will help us become better communicators in general. In addition, we can add stories around conversational threads to make our conversations more interesting.
How to Flirt:
Flirting is expressing our sexuality to a woman in a non-needy way, causing her to be more attracted to us.
There are two types:
- Jokes: Annoying someone in a fun or enjoyable way. For example: “If you weren’t so cute, I’d leave you for saying that.”
- Leadership: It may be more subtle, but much more powerful. We invite her to participate in an event, take her by the hand and move her to another place, touch her physically, ask personal questions, or invite her to an appointment. We must express our sexual interest in a positive way to which she is receptive. The lack of action will lead to the friend zone.
Humor is the art of drawing connections between two apparently unrelated ideas or objects. This is an integral part of being an attractive man.
The different types of humor:
- Exaggeration: When we take a quality about someone/something and inflate it disproportionately.
- Wrong direction: When we lead the listener to believe that we are going towards a point but we then conclude with something completely different.
- Teasing: As we have said before: to annoy someone in a fun or enjoyable way.
- Sarcasm: When we make an extreme but completely opposite statement to what we really mean. This is with total seriousness and without smiling.
- Word games: When we play with the ambiguity of the meanings of words, giving them another interpretation.
- Role plays: These can range from basic physical games (hand slaps, thumb wars, etc.) to word games (five-question game, role-playing, etc.). Role-playing also involves giving women a false role and then playing that role (pretending to be our secretary, advisor, etc.).
Remember that the phrases themselves do not mean anything, but that it is the attitude and behavior that express value.
Developing an Emotional Connection:
When you talk to a woman, there are only two real topics of conversation: you and her. Everything we talk about must reveal, in some way, the identity of each person. This discovery of identity is what creates the sense of “connection.” The greater the connection we create, the more she will want to spend time with us and vice versa.
- How to develop deep and lasting emotional connections with women:
- Become aware of our own motivations, emotions, and life stories.
- Take the initiative by sharing those motivations, emotions, and life stories. Sharing first builds trust and encourages others to open up and share.
The more we continue to do this, the more personal the stories will become, and the deeper the emotions we connect with.
Let’s not just say we like something, but let’s say why we like it. Instead of just saying, “I like song X,” we can say. “I love song X. It always reminds me when I was in such a situation, place, or with a certain person.
The most important rule of emotional connection is to relate to feelings, not facts. Seduction is about feelings, not facts.
Body language is something that can also be fixed in a relatively short period of time and can make us look more attractive right away. We can use a full body mirror to analyze our posture.
Primarily, let’s keep these two things in mind:
- Have an upright posture: shoulders back, head up, back straight, stomach in, and feet straight. In this way, we will convey much more self-assuredness.
- Our feet should be shoulder-width apart and pointed forward or slightly outward at most.
Let’s practice this several times until we can make it a habit. Let’s take note of what posture we have and then force ourselves to return to this position as much as possible.
Studies have shown that the greatest correlation between the physical characteristics of attraction and sexuality is a deep and soft voice.
Tonality: To get rid of that “nasal” voice, all we need is to do some practice. Let’s say a phrase aloud, and then again as we cover our nose. How different is the tonality? If it’s not very different, we already talk a lot from the chest and probably have a good tonality. If we suddenly sound very nasal when we cover our nose, we should practice speaking in a deeper voice.
Speed: We should be aware of our speed and speak more slowly. Don’t be afraid to keep people waiting for our next words.
Volume: Most of us never speak loud enough. But remember not to shout.
Remove words of doubt: Let’s remove any “uh,” “ah,” “um,” and “mmm” from our speech. These are “filler” sounds in order to keep the listener’s attention on us as we try to think about what to say next. They are not necessary.
Interest Indicators (IDIs):
Indicators of interest (IDIs) are signs – verbal and non-verbal – that allow us to measure the attraction of a woman. But just identifying IDIs is useless if we don’t act upon them. IDIs are informative; they help us to know where we stand with respect to a woman’s interest. Some examples:
Eye contact: If she is looking at us, even 10% more than the average stranger, then she has at least some curiosity or interest in us.
Smile: This is subjective and will require some judgment, but sometimes we will notice that a girl smiles much more than other people do, when we are talking. If this is the case, she probably likes us.
Proximity: If a woman stands close to us when she doesn’t have to, chances are she has some interest in talking to us.
Playing with her hair: A classic sign of flirting.
Eyes dilating: Studies have shown that our eyes dilate when we look at someone who attracts us.
Priority: When her actions subtly show us that she gives us priority over interacting with others.
Isolation: Many times, the most obvious advances that a woman will make will not really be making a movement, but by actively working to put herself in a possibly intimate situation alone with us.
She forgets her friends: This coincides with the above. A woman has a hard time leaving her friends behind for a boy, especially one she has only known for a few hours. If she does this, we should take it as a green light.
She generates physical contact: Either accidentally or reciprocally, this is a clear sign that she likes us and wants us to keep climbing physically with her.
How to Dress With Style:
Let’s always wear clothes that fit, so we must know our measurements. With shirts or T-shirts, the shoulder seam should extend to the end of the shoulder, no more. The bottom of our pants should rest gently on the top of the shoes. Pants should never fall from our waist when worn.
Combinations: As a general rule, the belt should match the shoes and/or accessories. If we wear formal pants, we must match the socks with them. But if we use jeans, let’s combine the socks with the shoes.
Choose colors that match our skin tone: White and black look good on everyone. For the remaining colors, find the ones that look best according to your skin tone. If you have light eyes, always favor shirts or T-shirts that match those colors.
Dress according to our personality: If dressing like a rock star fits your personality, then do it, or not.
Improving Our Physical Condition:
Physical exercise improves mental function, memory, speed, “body image,” and a sense of well-being. These are some of the points to keep in mind:
Lifting weights: To change our body, we need to lift weights. We can start in a gym with machines or free weights, although I also highly recommend doing calisthenics. Let’s concentrate on composite exercises: exercises that stimulate multiple muscle groups at once (e.g., squats, bench press, deadlift).
Nutrition: Skip fast or fried foods, dressings or sauces, and bad carbohydrates. Drink less (or avoid) alcohol and soda. Eat plenty of lean protein, such as baked chicken, seeds, fruits, and vegetables.
Cardio: Elliptical machines provide the best effort to calories burned ratio. Running, biking, and swimming heavily are the best ways to burn calories in the shortest time possible. Find a park and run no more than three times a week, until you’ve run for a long time.
We can supplement our cardio with weight lifting to maintain muscle mass while burning fat. Only do cardiovascular exercises if you are trying to lose or maintain weight. Cardio is ideal for cardiovascular health, blood pressure, energy levels, etc. Let’s not expect everything to change overnight. And don’t be afraid of periods of pain.
The Art of Touching:
Kino: A term that comes from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) that refers to physical contact: either touching or being touched. Physical contact is part of non-verbal communication. Making physical contact with women quickly and comfortably is what will ultimately determine how successful we will be with women, in the long run, more than anything else.
How do we generate physical contact with a girl from the beginning?
When we start a conversation with a girl, we should only touch her lightly on the arm, near the elbow. Then these touches should continue progressively in a more intimate way: tickling, massages, and hugs. And from there, we continue by kissing, caressing, or having sexual relations.
As we said before, desire is the major trigger of women’s excitement. And nothing conveys desire more than a boy who tries to kiss her. People who touch when they interact with another person are generally considered more dominant. That’s why generating kino with women is a necessary habit, though one that most men never do. Let’s make it a habit.
Kissing: Kissing is a way to create greater intimacy with another person. Kisses not only revolve around our mouth, but also how we use our hands. They should be wandering around her body gently, caressing her back, grabbing her neck, pushing her hips against ours. On the other hand, the first time we kiss a girl, we should always try to be the first to walk away. It shows both a lack of need and control, which many girls find attractive.
Kissing is simply the gateway to even greater and deeper intimacy. It’s an important step, but part of the process, not the destination. Once we kiss a girl, she will generally feel more comfortable to move forward.
It’s as simple as asking a woman for her phone number or social network. You don’t have to invent an elegant phrase to ask her for her contact. You just have to ask.
There is no need to get too complex with text messages. Often, if we try to be too sarcastic or witty with texts, they can easily be misinterpreted or have a completely different intention from what we originally meant.
Usually, my rule is to try three times to ask her out. If a woman makes an excuse once, I can try it a second time and if she fails again, I could give her a third chance, of course. But that would be the end.
Time and Location:
The best days for dates are, in order: Thursday, Wednesday, Sunday, Tuesday, Monday, Friday and Saturday.
I do not recommend lunches as dates. That’s more for friends. No dinner dates either. They are clichéd, impersonal, and almost impossible to make sexual. The same with cinemas. The best thing is to create interactive activities in the afternoon or evening that create a more romantic air. I recommend three activities per dates, for example:
- Salsa class -> Drinks in a bar -> Your apartment
- Get together for a coffee -> Have ice cream on the street -> Go to a park next to your house
- Comedy show -> Walk in a park -> Go out to a club
Let’s include dancing if possible, since it makes the date more sexual. If within the plans we decide to drink alcohol, it is better as the second or last activity. Basically, we want sexual tension to peak.
I suggest finding places and activities near where you live. They should be active, participatory, and allow touching or flirting. Examples: bars, comedy clubs, dance classes, museum exhibits, walks in interesting places (squares, parks, etc.), concerts, etc. As long as they are places that we genuinely enjoy.
As for what to talk about, the conversations should be more personal and deep. We should make fewer jokes and talk more about our lives and what is important to us.
Before you go out to use this guide in search of women, there is something else that is important to mention. It is known that confidence is a vital part of attracting women, and as long as you get involved in practicing these habits, your confidence will gradually grow.
The idea is not to create a life that revolves around women, but that they are the ones who want to adapt to yours. An attractive personality does not consist of phrases or lines, but of a character of its own.
That is why it is important that you put everything you read into action and practice it until it becomes natural. Essentially, my book “Seduction Simplified” and this guide will help you with personal development, and thus to have greater success with women. How attractive you feel toward women is directly proportional to the amount you have invested in yourself, both physically and emotionally. Self-development and being an attractive man are inseparable. They are the same thing.