Beauty scale: A «Perfect Ten Girl»

“Find a woman of whom you can say:‘I could have chosen one more fair, but not one more perfect’” ―Anonymous.

It is a common practice among men to grade women from one to ten according to their beauty. And history shows us that humanity has a tendency to compete, compare, grade, and measure. Grading women seems inoffensive enough, and it could be considered just a simple amusement or an exchange of opinions on beauty, which in itself presents no issues.

The problem begins when these scorings are taken too seriously, so that they cease to have a subjective value and start to be taken as some sort of objective, unquestionable truth. That is, when we allow this grading ―“that girl is a ten”, “that girl is a five”― to shape our plans and dictate our behaviour. This is especially detrimental when we let other people’s scorings influence our own perception.

The logic behind these ratings is that the more attractive a woman is, the higher her score will be, and consequently the more difficult it will be to seduce her. This affects how we try to pick her up. It is also commonly believed that highly attractive women are approached by more men, which is not true.

Why is this, then?

What happens is that since highly-valued women are thought to present a higher level of difficulty, as well as a higher chance of failure (the risk of being blown off, or rebotar, as we frequently say in Argentina), women with alleged “high scores” are seen as intimidating, and consequently, don’t get approached as much.

In order not to fall into this trap, it is vital to remember that beauty is completely subjective, and responds to as many criteria as there are people in the world. Besides, it is a trait that can change from one moment to the next. In fact, how we perceive a woman also depends on the context in which we meet her. How often have we seen a girl and thought she was attractive, only to find her less attractive just a few hours later?

The contrary is just as frequent: we enter a conversation with a woman we don’t consider particularly pretty and suddenly, as if by magic, we start finding her irresistibly attractive. This might happen, for example if you share a passion, you experience a special moment, or if you like something she said, or maybe just because you like the way she kisses. Our perception, and women’s, depends on context. This happens all the time, and it happens to everybody. Not to mention if you are under the effect of alcohol.

An infinite number of factors can alter our perception:

• How we feel and how we perceive a certain situation (if we center our attention on her virtues or flaws).
• How she looked at us, if we are alone.
• Emmm… and so on

Here is a classic situation to illustrate such changes of valuation: we go out and meet a girl we think is beautiful. We see her again and she looks like someone else. What on earth happened?

There was a time in which I would not trust my own perception until I saw a woman a second time, and in a different context. Sometimes life takes you by surprise…

But that is how you learn, isn’t it?

Another classic: you work in a company, surrounded by old men, and suddenly you see a gorgeous woman you rate as a nine. However, if you saw her in a nightclub, she wouldn’t be more than a seven. Or when you see a friend with a woman you consider to be an eight, but for him she is a six, at most; and then you see him with a girl who is at most a five, but he’s excited because he considers her a nine.

The same thing occurs with our perception of ourselves: we don’t regard ourselves the same way every day. It is normal for there to be a one or two point difference in the grade we give ourselves depending on how we feel, where we are, how we are dressed, and so on. If the fluctuations are more dramatic, a difference of four or five points ―one day you feel beautiful and the next you feel hideous―, then you should work on your self-esteem, which is probably rather unstable.

It is clear, then, that the perception we have of a woman can change at any time, even during the course of a conversation. If we were basing our behaviour in her attractiveness, then should we change our strategy of seduction in the middle of the conversation? No, definitely not.

Another reason men grade women is probably purely to brag. To grade a woman is to make an idealization out of her. Think about this: if I like short, blonde women, and my friends like tall brunette women, then a certain woman might be more attractive to me than to them. But if I say that she is a nine, then they will imagine her according to their own parameters. This has to do with the desire to appear successful in the eyes of others.

Errors in perception

A mistake many men make is to think that women see themselves the same way we see them. Many apparent tens see themselves as fives, and many fives consider themselves tens. It could be said that a woman’s perception of herself is not so much related to physical beauty as it is to emotional need and self-esteem. It also has to do with the context she is immersed in. If she is in a nightclub, where many men want to buy her drinks and her looks are highly valued, she will doubtless feel overly important, and it is possible she will set herself out of our reach.

But if the next day we happen to encounter that same girl in her little brother’s birthday, she will probably behave in a very kind and sweet way. What are the chances of my picking up Rihanna at one of her concerts and what are the chances of my picking her up if I am stranded with her in a deserted island and I am an expert in survival? In many cases, opportunities depend on context.

It often happens that we put women we don’t even know on a pedestal. We overvalue them because of their beauty without actually knowing the first thing about them; it makes no difference if she wrote a bestseller or if she didn’t even finish elementary school. The fact that we are worshipping her will affect our behaviour. It is like we are sabotaging ourselves, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. It isn’t that seducing her will be hard because of her attractiveness, it will be hard because we think that her attractiveness complicates things.

If we overestimate her, we will surely feel more nervous, behave awkwardly, and possibly end up thinking she is out of our reach. And then, she will feel it too. Women usually feel attracted to men who regard themselves as slightly “superior” to them.

Consequently, in order to pick up women it is absolutely basic and essential to behave as if they all were attracted to us.

And it is practically impossible to act that way if we do not work to improve ourselves. How attractive we are in the eyes of women is directly related to the amount of energy we have invested in ourselves, both physically and emotionally. If we hold ourselves highly, it is very unlikely we will deem anyone we meet as out of our reach. This is because we human beings transmit our emotions. If we feel nervous, we will make those around us nervous. If we feel comfortable, we will make those around us feel comfortable.

Almost everybody has had the experience of feeling down, and then getting together with a friend who, being in a better mood, was able to cheer them up; and vice versa, when we are around someone who is depressed, that brings us down. If somebody manifests trust towards us, we will feel trust towards them. In the opposite case, If they manifest distrust, we will feel distrust. If someone tells an exciting story, that feeling might rub off on us too. Our emotions and behaviour are catching. If you think you are not worth a dime, that’s what you are going to project onto others. Think of it as a salesman trying to sell a product he thinks is worthless. He will have a hard time closing any sales if he works under that belief.

Does that mean that if I work hard on improving myself and believe all women are attracted to me, then that will actually be the case?

Definitely not. Some women will continue to reject us; we will never be able to interest everybody, but does it really matter?

We shouldn’t give that too much relevance, rather, we should like ourselves better, and try to project that belief onto others. Meanwhile, what I can assure you is that men who have a high self-esteem and who have confidence in their attractiveness have a higher success rate, regardless of build, profession, looks or wealth. The secret of their success is that they value themselves, and they trust others will value them too.